Welcome to my crazy lil RV-World … I’m so glad you stopped in . Today has been a busy day in sunny South Carolina, but it’s been a good day.
Tuesday as we were traveling I became consumed with thoughts and like most of us I have to jot those thoughts down and attack them on at a time.
As the news of Kate Spade’s death spread all over social media and the TV stations I thought about how precious and fragile life can truly be.
I remember receiving my first Kate Spade bag the Christmas after my son was born … and I was truly hooked on her fun and whimsical style .
As I thought about that memory almost 21 years ago I kept going back to the thought how our minds can become like sinkholes.
After spending just 3 winters in Florida i have become quite fascinated with their famous sinkholes. I grew up in Maryland and most of our holes are made intentionally.
After a late night of google searching I found a very interesting explanation. Scientists have come to determine that sinkholes occur when the underground resources gradually dry up, causing the surface soil to lose its underlying support. Everything simply caves in forming an ugly pit.
As I laid in the stillness of the night I came to the conclusion that … Depression and sinkholes have a lot in common. Depression seems to overwhelm with a vicious suddenness when it is actually the result of a constant process.
Inner resources are slowly depleted until one day there is nothing left. The world caves in and darkness seems to overtake each day.
I remember at a ministry conference one year the hosting pastor got up and addressed the issue of depression… I was a tad shocked , it was things like that we didn’t talk about. I recall him telling us that when a truck is carrying a load of bricks and the bricks start to crumble and fall .. was it the first brick or the last brick that caused the mess? Wowza, I wish I knew the answer.
He went on to say that because no one is immune to the darkness, we must learn to face it honestly, with emotional integrity.
Today I am raw and real … I was that person. I had a husband and 2 adorable little girls… BUT in 1997 after giving birth to my beautiful baby boy that God had healed of a life threatening disease … I had everything a women could want … yes, even a brand new Kate Spade bag.
I realized that something was drastically wrong. I was absolutely empty and completely exhausted. It seemed as if I had been living in the fast and furious lane forever! Overwhelmed, I sat down and mentally listed the demands on my life.
Wow, I recall looking at the list and thinking to myself …. No wonder you’re struggling. I was just plain tired. Being a people pleaser, I had always been very strong, driven to make sure that I made everyone happy!! Now I, the strong one, couldn’t get out of bed. Getting dressed by the time my children were up and seated in the homeschool room was a task that took great effort to perform.
I had no idea how I had gotten there and what was even more frightening was the fact that I had no idea how to escape! I did the only thing I could do. I cried out to God.
“I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.” (Psalm 40:1-2 NIV
This cry started my journey not only into my healing BUT opened the door for me to minister to other ladies.
“Mire” comes in all shapes and sizes – buried pain, the loss of a loved one , broken relationships, unresolved anger. Eventually, the mire works its way to the surface spilling ugliness and darkness into life.
As I looked back over my life a startling realization came – I had painted a picture in my heart and mind of how I wanted my life to look….. and then I became upset and overwhelmed when it didn’t look like I thought it should .
In the following weeks and months, the Lord and I sifted through the enormous pile of “mire” that had settled into my spirit and life.
Trust me when I tell you it wasn’t easy but it was worth it! That journey of unpacking my pain refueled my desire to write, craft, journal, and even to go back to school.
Dear friend just know you are not alone … at times it may feel like you are BUT the truth is He will never leave you nor forsake you .
I felt as though I could not talk to anyone … I began eating my feeling because that brought a few seconds of happiness…. all I can say is BUT GOD.
My challenge for you is to take time to breathe … if you begin to feel overwhelmed know that it’s okay to talk to someone…. trust me it’s okay !!!
It’s by His stripes we are healed , it’s His peace that is perfect and is in us .
This morning as I sat on the patio and watched the sun come up I have truly learned that it is darkest before the dawn but joy comes in the morning … Christ in me is my joy !!!
I am healed , whole, and well … because He alone conquered death. He heard my cry … He picked me up … He gave me beauty for ashes!
NO weapon formed against me will prosper !!
Be blessed, be bold, be you